What About the Children

The days before Christmas are speeding by. I don’t have the energy to do all my Type A persona plans to complete—but wow, is this an improvement over last year. Yes! But when I write this, I’m reminded of how long the month of December is when you don’t feel well? A question came to mind, “What about the kids?”

Mom just had cancer surgery, she’s depressed with all that should be done and she has no strength. Dad is doing all he can, or maybe there isn’t a dad. And then I think, “What about the kids?”

I’m not focusing on physical or monetary needs, I’m thinking about emotional needs. Often kids don’t realize life isn’t normal and they become demanding. Sometimes they live in fear.

Two thoughts came to mind today, 1. Keep Christmas as simple and yet normal as possible. Simplify, simplify, simplify. Maybe this is the year for a Charlie Brown Christmas tree. 2. Encourage the kids in specific way. If the patient or caregiver doesn’t have time to create positive signs, ask the kids to make them. Keep the signs simply.

Years ago I visited a PMP patient and wife at Creighton. He didn’t want company, but Ann did. She hugged me. Talked and talked. Then said, “We have a five year old at home. She helped me write out Hope! Believe! Love! In two languages and then we hung them around the house.

What about candy striped signs? Ask the kids to be part of the positive thinking healing process.

Still Lionhearted, Kat

When Do We Tell Our Children

For the patient or the caregiver, dealing with a chronic or terminal illness painfully tough. Talking with the children is even tougher.

♥ When do I tell my children?

When you can control your emotions is the best time. If you can’t cope, talk with a healthcare professional. You and your family will benefit if you can stay active, involved in their everyday activities and keep life on a normal schedule.

Some ask, “What is a normal schedule?” The answer is whatever you’ve done in the past continue doing. If you were an early riser, get up. If that isn’t possible,

♥ Why should I tell my children I have a chronic or terminal illness?

Children are smarter than you think. They understand when changes take place in routine, when here are more meds han usual around, more doctor visits and more medicines around than usual. Hushed conversations tell the child something secret is happening—that can tweak their emotions.

♥ Allow the child to prepare for the loss of a loved one.

You prepare your child for the first day of school, the first date, and even a major test at school. The loss of a parent is much more traumatic than any of those usual life events, be kind, allow your child to grieve while you are still here. Soften the blow. Lavish love and nurture security outside of yourself. Teach your child to be independent of you and move them to ask for help from other extended family, friends, teachers or church leaders.

Often a child feels responsible for the death of a loved one. Some call that “magical thinking” like they can control their universe. Ease the guilt coupled with loss.

Be truthful.

Be forthright. If a question is asked, answer it.

♥ When should you tell a child a parent or sibling might die?

Some illness has the look of death, loss of weight, more treatment, many hospital stays. But what about the patient that looks fine on the outside, yet the doctor says time is running out. The child has no idea of the inevitable.

Tell them about serious illness

Give the name of the disease

Share the possible outcome

Never lose sight of hope

♥ Remember, all life is terminal.

We never know when death might come. We might cross the street, be hit by a car, or fall down a flight of stairs. To prepare